I’m a white male. In the U.S. especially in the South, where I am from, I have rarely been discriminated against but never because of my color. Right now I live in Uganda the “Pearl of Africa.” Needless to say I am in the minority. I have seen some discrimination because of my race. I get shaken down for money by police most times that I drive very far from home. I’ve been accused of purposefully bringing COVID-19 to Africa. I could give several more examples but this isn’t about me. I’ve also been given special privileges here that Africans don’t get. My vehicle gets a quick look and wave by security at malls while vehicles driven by Africans get thoroughly searched. People generally stop and listen when I speak just because I’m white. All of this to say that I really don’t know anything about being discriminated against.
As far as racism is concerned I know quite a bit and I’ve seen it all over the world. In Africa I see tribes fighting one another with words and actions over long past offenses that happened generations ago. I see people raised to hate one group of people or another for reasons unknown to themselves. I’ve seen in it my small hometown in the Southern U.S. in more ways than I can possibly remember. Most of all I’ve seen it in my life and deep within my own heart.
I’ve thought about this article for years. I don’t know the implications of publishing this. I am ashamed and embarrassed of myself. I am afraid that I am going to say something wrong, say too much, or not say enough. I have said things about people different than me that are so horrible that my brain fights against my recollection for the sake of self-preservation. I have done things to people of color that are so vile I could not name them here. My thoughts against these fellow humans have been worse than anything I’ve ever said or done. For people who went to school with me none of this comes as a surprise. Black people who went to school with me have experienced it. There was a time in my life that I would have internally celebrated what happened to George Floyd. Then Jesus found me.
One night Jesus showed me in His word that I had not been following Him. I thought I had. I had been in church since the day I was born, every time it was available. I had prayed a prayer for God to save me from hell when I was a kid. However, I knew when I saw the glory of God in His Word that I had not belonged to him, really. I couldn’t have, it would not have been possible. Someone belonging to God could not hate someone God had created much less felt the way I had felt. Someone who had been rescued from their sin could not say the things I said, do the things I did, or think the thoughts I had thought. That September night in 2011 as I wept alone on the floor of my bedroom, Jesus changed my heart. I came up from the floor different. My entire view of people who are different from me changed in a literal instant. Those who knew me before and know me now, would tell you the change was miraculous. There’s no other way to describe it. I can claim no credit for the change. I didn’t change myself. There has been a process of coming to terms with how deep my issues were, how ingrained in me my racism was. I don’t honestly know if the process will be complete this side of heaven. I’m often afraid that it will come out of me some day unexpectedly from some part of me I didn’t know existed. Which is why I am often afraid to discuss it, much less write about it. I’m not sure where this racism came from or how it got into me so deeply. I wasn’t taught this stuff at home. My family never used the “N” word. I wasn’t taught by my family to think black people were less than me. I can only surmise that it came from inherent evil within me and fed by a larger culture of white supremacy that I listened to.
To black people in the United States, I see some of the issue. For many years I was the issue. Today, there may even be people walking around with a racist thought that was influenced by something I may have said to them at some point. I don’t think I can fully understand the issue from your side. I don’t think I can know all of it. I am praying to understand better and know more. I’ve seen the news reports and heard personal stories of those with first hand bouts with the racism of those in positions of power. For years I’ve watched with gut wrenching anger, sadness, sympathy, and intense personal shame. To all of you I apologize for my part. I especially apologize to those of who you have been victim to my senseless, immature, and heinous thoughts and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. You don’t owe it to me and I won’t blame you if you don’t forgive me. God has forgiven me and as offensive as I was to you I was more offensive to Him. He sent his own Son to die so that my racism could be forgiven. Language doesn’t permit me anymore words other than “I’m sorry,” and most truly and deeply I am. I am praying for you all. I pray that Christ would bring you comfort and peace in the trials. You are facing trials I don’t understand but God does. I plead with you to follow Christ if you aren’t. Find a solid Christian and ask them about the peace of Christ. The only thing I can offer you of any significance is the Gospel and that is the greatest gift in the world.
I understand why there are some using violence to try and get their point across. If I was in their shoes I might be doing the same. From the outside looking in, I would say that the looting and violence may not be the most effective way of effecting real change. I know that peaceful protest has been going on now for nearly a hundred years in a fight for the equal footing of all Americans. These protests don’t seem to be working fast enough or at all and many feel they are left without options. Changing societal policies and laws doesn’t change hearts. My point in all of this is to say that Jesus was the answer in my heart, and Jesus is the only answer for a world full of hatred, bigotry, and racism. What is being fought against is evil in the hearts of people.
For those of us who are followers of Christ we are taught in Ephesians chapter six that our fight is not against flesh and blood and that we are to take up the armor of God for the fight. There is only one offensive weapon in the armor and that is the Word of God. I pray that those of us who follow Jesus and are fed up with the status quo will join together in this fight. May we go forward with God’s word sharing the truth of the gospel. May we pray fervently for the Holy Spirit to transform the hearts of those who believe in their own supremacy or the supremacy of any race of humanity. May they be humbled by God’s lone supremacy and the fact that their race or birth or works will not save them. They may only be saved by someone else’s birth and works, and that someone is Jesus. Racism is a very human problem. It goes completely against everything the gospel teaches. There is no place for racism in a part of humanity that follows Christ (The Church). Sin is inherent in any part of humanity that does not follow Christ, racism is sin. Our anger should not be directed at a system because systems cannot be racist, only people can. Our anger should be directed at sin because that is the root of the problem. Fighting against anything else will only fight symptoms, and they will return. The Church must be angry about sin, all sin. We mustn’t make excuses for it when it works for our benefit. If we are only angry about some sin we are deceiving ourselves.
To all people I pray that God reveals himself to you if you are not His. I pray that if there is any racism in your heart that God would reveal it to you, and that you would confess and repent. Racism is not the only evil in the world but it is one of the most widely used by Satan. Jesus is the only answer. When humanity comes to this realization we will be rid of the sins of race and only then. Until then we preach and teach the gospel and long for our home in heaven. Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Corbin Family 